When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I need a burrito and a hug.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
