Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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