Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
