Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
