i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
