nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Man, jail baloney is awful.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
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