i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
