I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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