You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
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