I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
