and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize
