i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
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We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
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He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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