We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
