who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I just made out with a guy for $7.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
