my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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