Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
