Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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