is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Randomize
