dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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