Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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