so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
