The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
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