ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
