I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
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