I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
