I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
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