Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
