I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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