so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
