Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Randomize
