Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
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