i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
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