so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
