Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
