I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
