So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize