last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
