You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I've blown a few things in my day
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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