this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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