My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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