There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
