No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
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Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
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And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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