how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
