So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
look no pants
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Randomize
