I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
