remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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