Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
