should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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