you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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