you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
