I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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