i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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