So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
