tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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