Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Randomize
