using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
