I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
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