As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
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