it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
