NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
