Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
