i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
