Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
