my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
