Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
