Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
