Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
