Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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