is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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