i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
